Guys, no fish pictures, really

Hey Single guys!

How is the dating going?  Really awesome?? I know you're lying. 

I that heard that you are having trouble meeting women online.  (Get your head out of the gutter.  You know what I'm talking about.)   You're putting yourself out there in cyberspace, and your getting an inbox full of junk mail from scammers and mail order bride wannabes.

You came to me because you know that I am a huge Man Fan.  I am not a maneater.  Men, you know I love you.  I do.  So I am here to help you out of your bind. 

Let's take a look at that online profile you posted, starting with your pictures.

You know that you are "visual".  I know that you are "visual". Well, women are "visual", too.  Does that surprise you?  It shouldn't.  What do you think shopping is all about, anyway?  Women get a rush from looking.

When we open your profile, we look at your picture.  And we judge you by your picture.  We will not give you a free pass. Harsh?  The Pretty Girl knows you do the same thing....

This is your first impression.  We decide quickly if we imagine the first date and the kiss goodnight.  If we cannot picture the kiss, well, nothing else is going to happen.

I have heard that it is easier to write a "don't" list rather than a "do" list.  I will give my best attempt at both.

ONLINE PICTURES--PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD (NOWHERE ELSE)

1. Make an effort, please. 

-Get out of your recliner.
-Get off of the couch.

The previous scenarios read LAZY.
What are you saying about yourself?  "I like to sit around and watch TV, serve me."

And you don't look good anyway.  From those angles, you have a huge chin and a big stomach.  Seriously.  Really.

2. No Fishing Pictures

I see lots and lots of fishing shots.  Scene:  a man is posed, on the boat, with his catch of the day.

What are you saying here?  I like to fish?  Do you want a woman to go fishing with you?  I have read thousands of profiles, and it pains me to say it, but fishing is not at the top of women's "Like to Do" list.  Your potential date is yawning in anticipation.

Worse even are the shirtless fishing pictures.  Women do not want to imagine a man shirtless, baiting a line and or cleaning fish.  Revolting.

Sadder still, is when the fish is a little small...

3.  Posing with The Man Toys

Whew, boy.  I hardly know where to start.

Are you trying to say, "Look at my stuff;  look at what I can buy?"  Posing with possessions looks insecure (which you are not) and may attract the wrong element (gold diggers).

And the motorcycle...it looks a little foolish.  Particularly if you are wearing chaps and a bandana.  It kind of screams mid-life crisis. 

If you are prosperous enough to own a Harley, or a boat or a plane, let the ladies learn about it on your first date. 



GETTING THE SHOT THAT IMPRESSES HER

Women want to see YOU. Be confident.

 
1.  Shave.
2.  Put on a shirt.  (I am assuming you have pants on.)
3. Take off your ball cap.
4. Go outside
5. Stand by a large object.  A tree is good.
6.  Get a friend, acquaintance or bystander.
7.  Smile.
8.  Have the friend, acquaintance or bystander take 2 good pictures. (This may take a few tries)

You want to end up with:
--a full body shot, and
--a head shot

9.  Post these pictures.
10.  Delete the other pictures.

I have a lot more to say about this, but I don't yammer.  I have left out the gym workout self portait, the arms cut off the T-shirt exposed armpit picture,and  the "I cut the ex-out of the picture" picture, but that doesn't mean that these are acceptable.  THEY ARE NOT.

You asked for help, and I gave it to you.  Now take it and run.

I believe in you, Men of America!

With love,
The Pretty Girl










No fish pictures.  Really.